When there’s nothing better to do…

“Many people say that they have a right to smoke, but it’s actually not true.  Smoking is a personal choice.”

~some dorkwad whose first name is Jesus, which makes it all the more tempting and fun to tear apart his quote.

What?  Really?  I thought a personal choice is a right.  Like choosing to get married, or flossing, or deciding between Pepsi and Coca Cola (which we will sort of further address in this post…)

Apparently, starting this summer, the university I attend will become a smoke-free campus.  That means no stepping-outside-for-a-cigarette-break, but no-cigarettes-at-all.  If anyone actually reads this blog, he/she/it may recall that I don’t even smoke cigarettes.  But I happen to find the smoking-ban… just… dumb.  For one, the people of the Smoke-Free Tobacco-Free Campaign don’t seem to realize how many professors smoke.  And statistically, professors who smoke tend to be cool ones.  Does anyone realize how many pissed-off professors there are going to be on campus once the ban officially starts?  What if this leads to a drop in grades because they no longer have the patience for stupid questions?  There will be no mercy.  More students will stay back and never graduate and then the overpopulation will be worse than ever!  Parking will be even MORE impossible.  The bathrooms will be a constant danger zone.

“We’re not just doing this for the health reasons, we’re also doing it because it’s good for the University to have a public identity about being a smoke-free environment,” said some other dingus.  I’m sure it’s also good for the university’s public identity to have Pepsi logos all over campus.  Yup.  Pepsi is our new daddy.  I love the gigantic banner at one of the main entrances, which simply bears the Pepsi logo and the word KNOWLEDGE.  I knew there was a connection between phosphoric acid and I.Q.  And frankly, chances are that most students at my school are far more at risk of diabetes and heart attacks than lung cancer from second-hand smoke.

Originally, the plan was to have specific locations on campus where people could smoke, and then eliminate them one by one so that smokers would have time to “diminish their addiction” (pfft!).  But then that would cost too much money (really?), and besides, why waste time with fascist-ish action?  Chastise the defectives!  Basic rights are stupid!  Drink Pepsi!

It’s a little like the bible leprechauns pickled eggs Glenn Beck– hard to take seriously, kinda funny…  I’m not even sure I really believe it.

The best part is that this new ban is supposed to be “socially enforced”.  I’m sure the first puritan to reprimand a smoker on campus will receive a lovely cigarette burn to remember.


~ by rabbit on March 2, 2010.

One Response to “When there’s nothing better to do…”

  1. Fuck it, will you marry me? I haven’t been this aroused in a very long time.

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