In light of Easter and Passover…

A  couple of weeks ago, a friend and I went for breakfast at Strathmore’s, a little bagel-and-deli restaurant.  All the waitresses are post-menopausal Jewish women (duh).  We were sitting outside enjoying one of the few days of Florida warmth sans humidity.  The waitress came out with coffee and tea, ready to take our food order.  My friend orders eggs, bacon… potatoes?  Maybe, I can’t remember… cinnamon-raisin bagel, to which our waitress remarks is particularly good that day.  (Mmm, bagels.  My heart goes out to those with gluten allergies).

“And for you, hun?” the waitress asks me.

“I’m gonna have the fruit platter.”

“No you’re not.”

Whuh?  I… I don’t understand!  Why?  Is there no fruit?  Am I being punished?  Arrested?  Deported?

“Fruit’s no good today.  If I’m not eatin’ it, you ain’t either.”

My eyes widened, filled with tears of gratitude, faith and love.  For I wholly believe, friends, that this woman was an incarnation of Jesus.  It all makes sense– Jewish, brings you food, calls you out on your shit, and protects you from evil (like nasty produce).  I was saved, people.  Sure, saved from bad fruit, but SAVED, nonetheless!

“How about a stuffed tomato with cottage cheese?” I ask. (Shut-up, I like cottage cheese.)

“Sure, why not.”

Thanks, Jesus.  FTW.

P.S.  Here’s the truth about Easter


~ by rabbit on April 4, 2010.

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